The little things.......

Well, today is a bit chilli with this cold snap and all but I'm doin ok. I've been fighting the flu bug for the last week and now I'm getting over it.But anywho, I'm gonna continue with my life story at the time I left PA.
As you already know I was drinking heavily at that time and started out hitchiking across this land,(after spending two months with the bottle in WV) looking for a place to "start again". Well, I ended up in the small town of Danville VA. The first thing I did was get settled in at the local bar. Then on Monday morning I set off in search of a job. I guess God was watching over me that day because I met a man who still sticks in my heart to this day. His name was Jim E. (I won't reveal his last name in case he would want to remain annonymous) I stopped this fellow on the street to ask where I could find the local unemployment office. He was a friendly enough fellow who instead of taking me to the unemployment office, took me to his place of employment. By the end of that day I had accomplished two things, I had a job and a place to stay. I was on my way with a new vigor and was going to build a great life for myself.
Aftyer about three weeks Jim saw how bad my drinking was and pulled what I consider to be one of the greatest tricks ever pulled on me. One evening after work he asked me if I was in any hurry to get home. "Not really", I lied.(what I really wanted to do was go get drunk) He said he had to stop off somewhere for about an hour or so.We walked into this nondescript little building on the main street of town where there were several people gathered drinking coffee and seeming to have a wonderful time just being there. "What is going on?",I wondered. Then someone said "I would like to call to order this meeting of alcoholics anonnymous." Why that low down dirty rascal. He tricked me into what would one day save my life. I went to a few meetings after that but the only thing that stuck with me was that there was someone who wanted to help and ask nothing in return!!! To me, this was unbelievable.That man is still in my heart today and I can only hope to be as much of an example to someone else someday as he was to me.

You see, to me it's the little things that matter in life. A nudge in the right direction, a smile, or just trying to get through to a hard headed twenty-four year old kid. Jim tried to help me in many ways while I was in that town but I guess I just wasn't ready yet.
Well, now that I'm on the way to getting my life straight I remember those people who tried to help me along the way and I thank God for them. I believe God puts people in our lives when we need them so we can learn from whoever they may be.

The little things.......

Well, today is a bit chilli with this cold snap and all but I'm doin ok. I've been fighting the flu bug for the last week and now I'm getting over it.But anywho, I'm gonna continue with my life story at the time I left PA.
As you already know I was drinking heavily at that time and started out hitchiking across this land,(after spending two months with the bottle in WV) looking for a place to "start again". Well, I ended up in the small town of Danville VA. The first thing I did was get settled in at the local bar. Then on Monday morning I set off in search of a job. I guess God was watching over me that day because I met a man who still sticks in my heart to this day. His name was Jim E. (I won't reveal his last name in case he would want to remain annonymous) I stopped this fellow on the street to ask where I could find the local unemployment office. He was a friendly enough fellow who instead of taking me to the unemployment office, took me to his place of employment. By the end of that day I had accomplished two things, I had a job and a place to stay. I was on my way with a new vigor and was going to build a great life for myself.
Aftyer about three weeks Jim saw how bad my drinking was and pulled what I consider to be one of the greatest tricks ever pulled on me. One evening after work he asked me if I was in any hurry to get home. "Not really", I lied.(what I really wanted to do was go get drunk) He said he had to stop off somewhere for about an hour or so.We walked into this nondescript little building on the main street of town where there were several people gathered drinking coffee and seeming to have a wonderful time just being there. "What is going on?",I wondered. Then someone said "I would like to call to order this meeting of alcoholics anonnymous." Why that low down dirty rascal. He tricked me into what would one day save my life. I went to a few meetings after that but the only thing that stuck with me was that there was someone who wanted to help and ask nothing in return!!! To me, this was unbelievable.That man is still in my heart today and I can only hope to be as much of an example to someone else someday as he was to me.

You see, to me it's the little things that matter in life. A nudge in the right direction, a smile, or just trying to get through to a hard headed twenty-four year old kid. Jim tried to help me in many ways while I was in that town but I guess I just wasn't ready yet.
Well, now that I'm on the way to getting my life straight I remember those people who tried to help me along the way and I thank God for them. I believe God puts people in our lives when we need them so we can learn from whoever they may be.

Driving Record......

It seems to me, lately some people want to know why I'm not able to drive a motor vehicle. Well here goes:
I was never allowed to get a license when I was a teen. I had asked my father to help but he just said no and that was it. I went to some other family members but there was always an excuse, the car wouldn't pass the inspection, they didn't have time, couldn't get off work, always some excuse or another. So when I was nineteen years old in PA, I bought a car and drove it anyway. I had to work and couldn't get anyone to commit to driving me to and from. Well, two days later I was pulled over coming home from work for a dead inspection sticker. That one cost me three hundred dollars. The cop also had my car impounded.After that when I went back to WV and found out my Dad had helped my older Brother get a license. I thought maybe he would help me too. Wrong. Things were still the same as they were before. He wouldn't even try to help. He said I didn't need a license cause I didn't have a car. So I just went back to trying to live without one. I ended up hitchiking to VA to try to start a life for myself. After about a month of driving I was caught again. I tried to explain to the cop why I didn't have a license but he said he had to give me the tickets anyway. I felt like I just couldn't win. I ended up losing my job for not having a license.
After that I set out on the road again and ended up in SC. Greenville to be exact. I stayed there for a while but couldn't get a job and keep it long enough to amount to anything because of the whole license thing. I bounced around the country after that untill I met my x-wife in 1997. For a while she would take me back and forth to work and I managed to stay stable for a little while. by then though, my drinking was out of control again. I was mad at the world for the hand I had been given and I just didn't care anymore. But that's another story in itself.
Anyway, when I found out my daughter was on the way, I once again approached my father. This time I came with a good reason. I explained to him that if I was going to support my new baby I needed a license to be able to get a decent job and keep it. Things were stiil the the same, he was just not going to do anything to help me get my life started. This spurned more hatred towards my brother at that time and I turned to my long time friend, "alcohol".
Finally I was caught driving again when my wife wasn't feeling well and I drove to work myself. The cop let me bring her back to get the car instead of impounding it. But I still had a fifteen hundred dollar fine added to the others. It was hard to save money on a one income budget so I just let the fines go for a year untill we got our income tax and I paid eleven hundred dollars to the state of SC and only needed one thousand more to finish paying them off.
Well, the very next summer I got caught again and this time they fined me thirtyfive hundred dollars and towed our car. I began to slip into a very deep depression. Here I was wiyh a baby to raise but couldn't get ahead because I didn't have a license.
Anyway, I hope that will answer that question for everyone. It will now cost close to five thousand dollars for me to be able to get my license reinstated. I have the faith that God will provide a way for me to do that and I will get it in His time. God has told me through His word that He will take care of me no matter what ( Jerimiah 29:11) as long as I stick with Him!!! As long as I have faith I can accomplish anything.

Today is a great day. As of December 12, 2006 I will have been in Pascagoula, MS for one year. And what a year it has been! GOD has provided me with a new lease on life. I'm so greatful for all I have today. I thank Him for everything I have in my life today. I'm slowly but surely rebuilding my life one day at a time. I have just recently moved into an apartment and life is doin just fine for now. I will make another entry as soon as I can to continue with my life story. I just felt complelled to give our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ the credit He deserves for rescuing me from certain death. What a wonderful GOD we have!!!

Getting there can be tough........

Today has been not unlike any other Monday, I guess. I've been struggling with with a lot of things lately. Just everyday things like getting to work are a thing I do not look forward to. In the last ten years I've never had to worry about how long it would take to ride a bike across town just to get to work. This whole ordeal will be a great strength builder (mentally and physically...LOL) when it's done. I know that I can make it through and I also know it's not gonna be easy. I pray everyday for the patience to go through this. Once I save the money to get a drivers license I know my life will change for the better. My drivers license will cost a substantial amount of money to get reinstated. Right now I'm workin for a very small paycheck and I'm working in a field I don't know all that much about. I feel so frustrated sometimes that I just wanna tell the whole world to go away. But I can't. I don't wanna go back to that reclusive lifestyle I lived for so long, and if I do I would end up drunk again before too long. (and that's just not an option) I feel like I'm being held back and can't get up.
Well, I guess life is just tough sometimes. Things will happen that are out of my control and I just have to accept them and move on. So I guess I'm finished whining for now.
I know GOD has my back in everything I do. He will see me trough this and when I come out I will look back and say, "Whew, I did it!" Then I will thank GOD for giving my license back to me.
I thank Him every day for keeping me sober another day. That was a nightmare in it'self. I'm thankful for my little trailor and all my newfound friends, for my new lease on life because things could definitely be alot worse.

I'm still here.......

Well, I didn't drop off the planet. I've just been busy trying to hold myself together. I've been fighting depression as of late. I get depressed this time of year for some reason. Could be the cold, the holidays, the lonliness, who knows. Anywho, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday season. I don't have much in the way of wisdom right now except I'm glad to be sober today. I thank GOD every day for one more day of sobriety.
i will see you all asap

Robbie

In my head today

This blog is a way for me to get some of the healing I need and to give a testimony to GOD. His love can give you a feeling of joy like no other. He will lift you out of the depths of sin to give peace and serenity to your heart and soul. I will eventually get to that part of my life but I feel I need to explain the rest of my experience first. Someone recently said I was leaving out something in my blog. If I have left out the fact that I was feeling rejected, hurt, angry, lonely, or even depressed before (or after) I started my drinking and drugging, it was because I don't want to make anyone think I'm stuck on a pitypot. I want more that anything to beat this addiction thing and God has given me the tools to do it. This blog being one of them. I'm sure other people will see their side of things a little differently than I do. That's why you can comment on here. I'm not angry about that being brought to my attention, I'm actually glad. It lets me know that there were others involved in my life at those times. I know that during some of those times I hurt alot of people and I hope they can forgive me for the things I did. GOD has, now I'll just have to wait and see if people do. I can't ghange my past, but I can change me.(with GOD's help)
My focus now is to get through today. If I can get through today, I'll deal with tommorrow when it gets here.

A double life.........

My life after the death of my mother seemed to explode with chaos. I moved around from home to home as though everything was fine. I would stick around until the fun stopped then move on. On the outside I was the party guy, on the inside I was a wreck. I couldn't make sense of anything except getting drunk to be numb. That just seemed to bring on more chaos. I wound up living on the street with a prostitute girlfriend. She would do her thing while I was supposedly "watching her back." As long as she got the money to get our drugs and alcohol I didn't care what she did. After about six months of this I used the excuse of her cheating on me (a prostitutte cheating lol)to leave her and go start a new life in the great state of PA. I moved there with the help of my older brother and "started over."
After being there for a few months, I met a very nice girl and decided to give up the party life and started dating her. I got a great job at a steel refactory plant and settled in for what would be a great ride.
As time went on, I gave up the alcohol thing for a while. Then my disease kicked in high gear after about six months. I was in love with this beautiful young lady but it seemed I could still drink on the weekends after she went home. At that time I thought I had everything under control.
The people I drank with were not important at that time. They were just part of the scenery.The ones that mattered were home in bed, clueless to what I was doing to myself. Oh I made the people I drank with think they were important, but I had everybody fooled. Satan was slowly but surely digging his hooks in deeper. My life was on a roll and I thought I was on top of it all. Somehow I pulled this charade off for two and a half years.
Finally, my game ran out. All the lies and the drinking caught up to me. Everything blew up in a matter of weeks. I lost my car, my girlfriend, and my home due to drugs and alcohol. I was devastated. I couldn't live with the fact that I had been so cruel to an innocent young lady. The fact that she didn't love me and knew about my double life was Satan's chance to really get in there and do his work. He used the guilt from that and started to crush my confidence. Slowly but surely, I drank myself into oblivion. I didn't want to date because I was afraid of being hurt again. So I set out on the road to get away. To start over........again.