A double life.........
My life after the death of my mother seemed to explode with chaos. I moved around from home to home as though everything was fine. I would stick around until the fun stopped then move on. On the outside I was the party guy, on the inside I was a wreck. I couldn't make sense of anything except getting drunk to be numb. That just seemed to bring on more chaos. I wound up living on the street with a prostitute girlfriend. She would do her thing while I was supposedly "watching her back." As long as she got the money to get our drugs and alcohol I didn't care what she did. After about six months of this I used the excuse of her cheating on me (a prostitutte cheating lol)to leave her and go start a new life in the great state of PA. I moved there with the help of my older brother and "started over."
After being there for a few months, I met a very nice girl and decided to give up the party life and started dating her. I got a great job at a steel refactory plant and settled in for what would be a great ride.
As time went on, I gave up the alcohol thing for a while. Then my disease kicked in high gear after about six months. I was in love with this beautiful young lady but it seemed I could still drink on the weekends after she went home. At that time I thought I had everything under control.
The people I drank with were not important at that time. They were just part of the scenery.The ones that mattered were home in bed, clueless to what I was doing to myself. Oh I made the people I drank with think they were important, but I had everybody fooled. Satan was slowly but surely digging his hooks in deeper. My life was on a roll and I thought I was on top of it all. Somehow I pulled this charade off for two and a half years.
Finally, my game ran out. All the lies and the drinking caught up to me. Everything blew up in a matter of weeks. I lost my car, my girlfriend, and my home due to drugs and alcohol. I was devastated. I couldn't live with the fact that I had been so cruel to an innocent young lady. The fact that she didn't love me and knew about my double life was Satan's chance to really get in there and do his work. He used the guilt from that and started to crush my confidence. Slowly but surely, I drank myself into oblivion. I didn't want to date because I was afraid of being hurt again. So I set out on the road to get away. To start over........again.
After being there for a few months, I met a very nice girl and decided to give up the party life and started dating her. I got a great job at a steel refactory plant and settled in for what would be a great ride.
As time went on, I gave up the alcohol thing for a while. Then my disease kicked in high gear after about six months. I was in love with this beautiful young lady but it seemed I could still drink on the weekends after she went home. At that time I thought I had everything under control.
The people I drank with were not important at that time. They were just part of the scenery.The ones that mattered were home in bed, clueless to what I was doing to myself. Oh I made the people I drank with think they were important, but I had everybody fooled. Satan was slowly but surely digging his hooks in deeper. My life was on a roll and I thought I was on top of it all. Somehow I pulled this charade off for two and a half years.
Finally, my game ran out. All the lies and the drinking caught up to me. Everything blew up in a matter of weeks. I lost my car, my girlfriend, and my home due to drugs and alcohol. I was devastated. I couldn't live with the fact that I had been so cruel to an innocent young lady. The fact that she didn't love me and knew about my double life was Satan's chance to really get in there and do his work. He used the guilt from that and started to crush my confidence. Slowly but surely, I drank myself into oblivion. I didn't want to date because I was afraid of being hurt again. So I set out on the road to get away. To start over........again.
posted by Robbie at 3:59 PM
2 Comments:
Robbie, your stark honesty will make some uncomfortable, but I think it is needed. You are telling us the truth. Jesus stretches his arms toward you as much as he does anyone else. No one is beyond his reach. God bless you my friend.
Dear Robbie,
Keep your head up, and keep writing. Part of Satan's evil game is convincing us that we are too evil for anyone to help, even God. As you release the poison of those evil days you've kept bound inside, and as you walk forward in the light of God's love, He will draw you closer and closer to Him. Keep your head up and keep walking!
in HIS love,
Nick
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